[AAR] A day in the suburbs

[AnimalMother.]

Good day to you all, I am Abbud a once humble resident of the Fallujah West District. This is the story that changed my life.


I woke up yesterday to the sound of great steel beasts coming past my uncles house, not sure of what was going on I made my way over to the local mosque to speak to the elders. Taking some plasters, a rope and a towel (I learnt great things from Hicth hikers guide) I made the small journey to the mosque. I see the usual crowd plus a few other new people wearing head wraps. I make my way to the second floor, meet with my son and have a quick prayer. Then out of no where an explosion! Someone was blowing up our lovely mosque!
The new people pick up lots of AKs, PKMs and RPGs from these crates that they had hidden in a store room and run to the roof. Curious as to what was going on I follow, to my disgust outside the mosque walls there were white men with fancy guns and little tanks shooting at the valiant mosque defenders. One of these defenders gets hurt so using some plasters that I had borrowed from Uncle I helped him to defend our lovely mosque. The person next to him got shot in the head and bits flew everywhere, it was terrible! I was scared and wanted to get out of there, I made my way down to the ground floor, with my arms held high showing no hostile intent I walk out. To the left and right there are the white men, one puts away his gun so I go over to talk to him, however he then punches towards me. He threatened me! How dare he, comes to my mosque blows it up, hurts people and then threatens me! I run back inside and go out the front it seemed quiet enough, I use my rope to climb over the wall and walk towards my friends house.

My friend lives just out to the north west of Fallujah and he hadn’t witnessed the same things I had so far that day. We decide in the peace and quiet of the area to go for a nice walk, we cross a bridge and walk down the street towards the northern parts of Fallujah, sounds were echoing from the centre of the fighting. We walk a little further taking in the scenery, we stop to look at some birds in the trees. Just as we were about to discuss the birds we’d seen my friend is shot. In a panic I try to resuscitate him, but with little medical knowledge and no more plasters it was a lost cause. Shots were still being fired towards me and I was hit, it was so painful I thought I was going to die, but I blacked out from the pain.



A few minutes later and a red cross ambulance comes to recover me and my friend, I am stabilised and at my request I was taken to another friends house. This was a bit closer to the centre and it turns out my friend had similar experiences to me however he had been to the market and purchased some self defence.
We were walking through his neighbourhood when shots were fired, we both ran to a wall. He started to fire his weapon back at the white men, he told me to go so I did. As I left he ducked into a house and continued to fire. As I ran a white man started to chase me, it looked like he had some for of hand cuffs and was determined to catch me. I sprint away but its no good he is about to catch me, I pick up some stones and try to get him away from me.
At just the right time a car pulls up and a guy stood on the back with a big machine gun blows the white men to shreds, I give a quick prayer to Allah as he had saved me from what could have been some homoerotic tendency. I hitch a ride with my saviours and they take me to my house, it is situated at the north eastern corner of the district, is 2 stories has a small balcony and a lovely red rug.

Here I am home at last, it had been a while, my uncle was ill so I hadn’t been home in 2 months. Outside was a big camp, it was the white mans camp, I could see them all running around and driving their jeeps. Anyway I take out my phone to call my son to tell him I’m home and see how he’s doing, he said he’d come over in a few minutes to make sure I was ok.
Couple of minutes later he comes by on his bike, I’d brought for him when he was 22 and he loved it. Just as he arrived I was walking downstairs to greet him at the door, again I heard gunshots, but thought nothing of it, I’ve heard enough of them for today, but the sound that followed was heartbreaking, the scream the coughing. As I walk outside I see my sons bike, and he is slumped across the handlebars, dead. Whilst mourning a white man in the camp calls out to me.
We have a pleasant conversation and I feel more relaxed, I ask what is going on and he tells me they are US marines fighting insurgent forces trying to cripple the insurgent’s weapons supplies to push them out of the area. He went off to do a different duty. I was hungry and called for a pizza, a minute later my 2nd son comes and delivers my pizza, we go inside to eat and make plans for my 1st sons funeral. Whilst enjoying our double cheese pepperoni there’s a weird sound coming from the roof. I go on to the balcony to see what it was, turns out the white men also have ropes and he had come to ransack my house!
Again with the hand cuffs he comes and chases me and my son. We jump from rooftop to rooftop but in my old age I cant out run the punching madman. My son out of fear of the homoerotic cuffs and punching jumps off the building to his death. Whilst I take a full blow to the face and blacked out.
Some time later I come to again and I’m strapped to a chair with a white man asking me questions, but I know nothing! After I am released it was time to take action. My sons had both died, my house had been ransacked (my lovely rug vandalised), the mosque had been blown up, my friends had been killed and I don’t want to mention what happened to me.

Off to the market I go with all my life savings, this jihad just got personal.



Thanks for reading, it was an interesting round, very funny at times, the events did actually happen pretty much the way they were described in the story, but a few things where added / changed to make it more storylike.

thanks to:
teh_snookeh
HeXey
Sammy[EEF]
Scout 1993
[T&T]Southcombe

they were my relatives in the above and we had a good giggle on VOIP (cept hexey he was the marine that engaged in conversation, he even took my photo!

[Cheditor]

Haha that was Ace read ^^ but this reminds me left over pizza hut in ma fridge

[Mj Pain]

Hi Abbud.
Please share with us more storys of you and your relatives valiant struggles against the white man.




Ha

[Snook]

Ahaha, most epic game of Fallujah ever, collaborators really can be fun!

"This is why we can't have nice things!"

[Smuke]

Lol, I like the pizza bit, classic!

[Arnoldio]

Hahaha., your son died and you had a pizza...hahaha epic win.

[UncleSmek]

hahahaha, Great read. Laughed alot during that match =)

[Masterbake]

Snookeeeeeeeeeeeeeh!!!

[fatganjaman69]

hahahaahhahaha